Xanax

I took my CPR cert. class today. It's been a while since I've had to do it in person, and I think it was probably good for me. However, I discussed and thought about my dad a lot. When he had his first stroke six years ago it was the first time I'd ever been required to employ any of my CPR and BLS knowledge. It was also one of the most difficult experiences of my life. I thought my dad was going to die that night. I was alone with him and that single thought until the paramedics arrived. He didn't die physically, but he was never the same either. My father, and best friend, was a different person when he regained consciousness. So, even though he was alive, I had to get to know someone else, care for his health, and grieve the loss of the dad I knew. He died almost a year ago now. I had panic attacks frequently when he first died. I rarely have them any more. However, today, after being forced to consider so many things that I just don't think about on a daily basis any more, I've had a lot of anxiety, and after my second panic attack of the evening I decided to take some xanax. I haven't had to do that in months. I miss my dad so much. I suspect the entire holiday season will be wrought with these pitfalls. I'll get through it, as I really don't have any other choice.

I'm ready for it to be March.