New LIfe

A month ago I decided to live alone, instead of with James. I want different things out of life than he does, and I wasn't happy with the situation I was in. I love him dearly, and I miss him like crazy, but I'm trying to establish a life for myself that I can be happy with. Once I've done that I can find someone to join me in the life I've created.

When I drive around Oahu I pass places that have particular sentiment for me, things I've done with James, and it's a bittersweet moment. I haven't heard his voice in a month. I haven't kissed him or hugged him in a month. He feels that I betrayed him. I probably did.

So now Ive got two jobs, I work for Dr. Kouchi, and I write for Truly Obscure. I don't really do quite enough of either. It means I have a lot of free time, so I've been hanging out with Carl and Drew and Quest. I've gotten to meet Pat's girlfriend Brooke, and I see Lowell from time to time. I'm going to be living with Jordan and the new roommate Allon.

I'll have all kinds of photos up soon. I tell stories better with photos than I do with words.

I have moments that I feel completely alone, and I wonder if I've made a grave mistake. I wish, in those times, that he had wanted just a little more of what I wanted, and that I had wanted more of what was important to him.

I really do miss him, a lot. Ht was my closest friend.

Lately

I went to San Francisco last weekend. I got to meet Ben's girlfriend Yui. Ben got to meet James. It was good seeing Ben. I kind of forgot how much I enjoy his company.

We looked at houses, the six of us will likely be living together. Well, at the minimum it looks like James and I will be sharing a place with Zoe and Greg. I'm not sure if Ben and Yui are in for sure or not. It would be fun to live with all of them though.

I have to tell the doctor that I work for tomorrow that I'm moving. He's kind of sensitive, and gets his feelings hurt easily, which makes me worry that he'll take my departure personally. I also have a worry that since I'm telling him so far in advance he'll find someone else before I'm ready to go, and will leave me in a bind.

My dad died a little over a year ago. The anniversary came and went quietly. I had a harder time the day after, not as much the day of.

My mom's birthday is this week. She'll be 55. She was diagnosed with ALS earlier this week. ALS is more commonly known in this country as Lou Gehrig's disease. It's very likely she's only got a year or two left to live.

James and I came very close to ending our relationship over the last weekend. We've talked a lot and I think we're good now. Balancing school and work is going to be tricky. Hopefully we'll make it through okay.

I have really amazing friends. I've said this before, but honestly, I really do. The very mention of needing a new place to live brought forth a flood of support and options. It's almost unbelievable to me that so many people genuinely want me around like they do. I even have friends here in Seattle, which I had started to think was never going to happen.

I need a way out of dental hygiene. I'm pretty sure I can't do it forever, and not sure I can sanely do it for the next five years.

It bothers me that there have been a couple of women in his life worth marrying, but I'm not one of them.